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I talk a lot about female hair loss and raising awareness for that. However, besides women, men lose their hair as well. Sadly, we do not hear their story’s very often. When I first started losing my hair, I really wanted to read about others that experience the same thing as me. That is why I am sharing their story’s today, for all the little boys, teenage- and grown up men, that want to read about someone who goes through the same thing as them.
I have asked 6 men to share their story with me. Let’s introduce them first!
My name is Abdulla Noor, 31 years old from the kingdom of Bahrain. A musician, airline pilot by profession and an athlete.
My name is Matt, 21 years old, from the state of Massachusetts.
I wish to remain anonymous (A1), I am 53 years old and I am from the Netherlands.
Hi, my name is Russ Mace and I am 40 years old.
My name is Tristan. I am a 23-year-old student and entrepreneur currently living in Groningen
I wish to remain anonymous (A2), I am 42 years old and I am from the Netherlands.
When did you first develop hair loss?
My alopecia started when I was about 14 years with one patch at the bottom hair line and the rest is history. Being Alopecia Universalis now, after a slow process of a few years going from Alopecia areata, to Alopecia Totalis and now Alopecia Universalis. – Abdulla
I got it in 2011 at the age of 13, I now have Alopecia Universalis. – Matt
I developed Androgenic alopecia at the age of 21, it was a period which - unconscious or conscious – was a phase of “not wanting to know”. – A1
I got alopecia when I was 34 years old – Russ Mace
I got my first bald spot when I was 6 and was completely bald at 10. – Tristan
I have had alopecia for precisely 3 years now. – A2
What was your initial reaction to losing your hair?
I did not give it much attention, as my hair was quite thick and had my thick eyebrows and beard. – Abdulla
I was devastated. Also, I had never even heard of alopecia before so I was completely unsure what was going on or what would happen. – Matt
As mentioned before, I was in a phase of not wanting to know, I was in a phase of denial. However, looking in the mirror brought me to the reality. It caused me to get into a depression, where I faced multiple suicide attempts. – A1
My initial reaction was absolute horror and disbelief, as I have always been in the mod scene and I was vain with my appearance, especially my hair – Russ Mace
Being very young when the hair loss first started happening, I think I didn’t fully grasp the effect of not having any hair. This became clearer to me when I started attending High school, in which I experienced my lack of hair as being very upsetting and affecting my self-esteem. – Tristan
Losing my hair changed my personality and the way I look. It made me insecure towards the outside world. I am constantly thinking about what will happen when I go outside, will they see that I wear a wig? And how will my friends or family react? – A2
What do you find the most difficult thing regarding your hair loss?
Hardest part for me was the whole transition process since I went from AA (alopecia areata) to extensive AA with the features of AT (alopecia totalis) and then extensive AT with the features of AU (alopecia universalis) and now fully AU. Being a fully bearded male with thick dark brown hair, the process was emotionally draining every time I looked at myself in the mirror. The patchy beard and scalp hair that looked way off where I had to shave every 8 hours and with hair follicles still alive but obviously surrounded by the attacking immune cells, the hairs were itchy and painful. That transition was the hardest for me that destroyed my self-confidence, self-esteem and quality of life. – Abdulla
The most difficult thing was learning to accept it. It took a very long time to accept the way I looked because of alopecia, and I still struggle with it often! – Matt
When I was 24 years old, I went to the church and I converted myself. Sadly, I was very naïve, and I came forward with my problem, my hair loss. It only caused things to get worse. When I went to get help, which was in 1999, I was shocked how they reacted. I am of an opinion that a man cannot just go to get help, there is simply too much incomprehension. The fact that I got questions like “Why was losing your hair a problem for you”, says enough. – A1
The most difficult thing I found regarding my hair loss, was being ugly/looking odd and feeling like a freak. – Russ Mace
The most difficult thing about losing my hair was the fact that during my teenage years I strongly felt like I didn’t belong, because I looked different than the rest. It affected my self-esteem tremendously during those years. However, I have come to terms with it as I’ve matured more and now see it as a valuable tool of self-promotion :) – Tristan
The most difficult thing is to see how my friends and family have written me off. It makes me feel scared to make friends, as you wonder whether you will get a lot of criticism again. – A2
What do you think of the statement “Hair loss is not as difficult for men as it is for women, as male hair loss is more accepted”?
I totally understand that what defines a woman is her hair, but women can manage eyebrows and wigs, but I totally understand the dating part. Men can’t use those eyebrows or wigs evenly if that makes any sense. It looks very unpleasant on us men and to me it was very emotionally stressful during the whole process. I never looked even due to patchy scalp hair, patchy beard it genuinely looked disgusting and very unpleasant. It was very emotionally draining. Now being AU, I feel more comfortable as I look even. – Abdulla
I understand why some people might think that. However, I think the idea of one losing their hair can be pretty devastating no matter who they are regardless of age or gender. Different people react differently. – Matt
During my second interview (intake) with a psychiatrist to help with the acceptance of my alopecia, I received the question: “why was getting your alopecia when you were 21-years-old such a problem for you?”. The facial expression also said more than enough. Again, someone that does not understand. For women it is more logical for others to understand that they would struggle, however for men it is the other way around. It seems that people don’t realise it can and may be a problem for them as well. This makes aid for lots of men and boys an impenetrable wall of incomprehension and unwillingness – A1
I do find alopecia to be more acceptable to men. The number of times I’ve been told to stop being a pussy, as “it’s only hair”! That’s a statement only a man would say to another man. With a woman I feel the numbers are stacked against you. However, there are so many bald men walking around. – Russ Mace
My stance on this depends on the age at which hair loss takes place. For older (think 22+) men I would agree that being bald is less of an issue than it is for women, as their hair tends to be a smaller part of their identity compared to women. For younger people (<18) I think losing your hair can be just as unsettling of an experience for boys and girls. Going through adolescence with such a visible condition is not easy, regardless of gender. – Tristan
It is for both equally bad enough, but it is the way the society thinks. It belongs more to men, however not at such an early age. – A2
What do you think about the wig/permanent make-up options for males?
Any cosmetic products for men in my opinion is a big no no. It would look totally off if we had a wig and fake eyebrows when there isn’t no beard specially for mid aged men. – Abdulla
As a male who at one point did wear a wig, the options out there for males are extremely limited. The ones I had were pretty uncomfortable and I was more than glad to finally be able to stop wearing them once I decided to do so. As for the permanent makeup options, I don’t know too much about that – Matt
Wigs can be a very good option for males; however, it differs per person. I remember an ex-friend of mine starting to wear a wig and his self-image (+ with that his self-confidence), recovered enormously. Losing your hair is in my opinion a mutilation of your appearance, which affects your self-image. For me a wig is not an option, I don’t really have frequently seen bio hair; wavy on top and curly from the back. Not sure if there are wigs for this type of hairstyle. Furthermore, for me as a man, wearing wigs is not quite socially acceptable. Social acceptance is on this matter a problem for men and women. For women it is often not accepted if they do not wear a wig, for men it is often not accepted if they do wear a wig. - A1
I was offered a wig at first and I found this ridiculous. It was like pouring salt into the wound! I would have feet like Bon-jovi. Male wigs are just unacceptable in society, they are seen as fair game for ridicule and I personally agree. Women’s wigs, however, seem a far more appropriate solution and look far more realistic. I think the issue is purely down to retaining femininity for a woman and not vanity in a male. – Russ Mace
I never considered them so my experience with them is non-existent. However, I have heard that eyebrow tattoos are very accurate and wig options are getting better. – Tristan
At the moment my eyebrows are falling out and it made me need make-up. I feel like permanent make-up will raise criticism like “you look like a woman”. I don’t feel like permanent make-up suits a man, just like the whole image of a man doesn’t anymore. A lot of other men also use make-up. I have gained more information with regards to wigs etc. There are more wig models for women and the maintenance products are more feminine with regards to how they smell. However, after finding some creative ways and adjusting it a bit, I made it work. – A2
What is the most important thing you learnt after losing your hair?
As much as I hate alopecia, to whoever knows me sees me as a strong individual and I do my absolute best to be there to whoever needs it, giving them an emotional and psychological boost. Literally anything to improve their quality of life and well-being as I totally understand where they’re standing, but yet I continue planting positiveness into them whenever they feel down, which is extremely common with those who are diagnosed with alopecia or have lost their hair in a very short time since it’s a shocker. As a person how resilient I have turned to and how I can control my emotions with life in general, I have helped individuals to back off from committing suicide. I hate alopecia, I never accepted it, but as a human being it’s our nature to pick ourselves up and move on because that’s all we can do. It took me few years to be at peace with my current state, but I’ve never been better. As much as I hate alopecia, it’s an acute experience which I have learnt a lot from making me a better human being in every aspect. – Abdulla
The most important thing I’ve learned through this whole experience is that no matter how different someone might look on the outside, we’re all humans. No one deserves to be made fun of for looking different, and everyone deserves to be respected no matter what they look like. Having alopecia has taught me to never judge someone based on their appearance. – Matt
First of all, I realised how important your appearance is. Obviously, you know how important such a thing is, but that losing all of my hair could have such an impact? I would not have suspected that. There is often said “You will truly miss something when it is gone”, that is something I have really realised while having alopecia. The second thing is how rude some people could be, in my experience I often received rudeness of women. I found it shocking how many of the women I met were quite selfish. When they were struggling, they asked for lots of support, however when I showed that I was struggling, the only thing I got was unwillingness to understand me and bluntness. – A1
The most important thing alopecia has taught me is true friends will make it easier and true love isn’t skin deep. – Russ Mace
Accepting myself as I am. Also learning to overcome adverse experience by learning to let go of things you have no control over in favour of focusing on the things that are still within your power to influence. – Tristan
I learned that I have to look for things to look good again. – A2
A special thank you to all the men that wanted to participate to create this blog. I am very proud of them and what we have created.
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