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I must say, you have been quite the year. When you started, I could not imagine what I was going to do in those 365 days. I only knew that the adventure of my foreign internship was waiting for me. What I did not know, was that I would get to know myself even better.
The year started with getting my feelings hurt, typical haha. It was also a time where I was really self-conscious about my hair loss. I did not feel comfortable without my wig and I was afraid to go to school without it. Many of you ask me whether I still feel insecure about my alopecia and the simple answer is yes, yes I do.
It also started with the Summa Sterren traject, a project to become my schools’ ambassador and the start of an amazing time in my life, but little did I know that at that point ;).
Exams, tests and projects. Those 3 words were the only thing on my mind. I had to finish my exams, tests and projects with my great fear of failure combined with my perfectionism. I overworked myself and I never realised until later this year. My results were great, but I do not think my brains really appreciated it.
March, THE month I started talking to my dear English friend, Emily AND the month one of the most amazing adventures started. MY GERMAN INTERNSHIP! I cannot explain how much this experience has changed my life and how grateful I am for that experience. It started off with my farewell party; together with my friends. It was amazing. After a few breakdowns, especially after saying goodbye to my dog, I was on my way to Kempen, Germany. Ready to start a new chapter of my life.
Which began with leaving the remote control of my TV at home, oops. No, but let’s get serious. I started off with getting to know the small city + see what the route to my internship was. Then, on Monday, I started the first day of my internship. I was so nervous; you don’t even know! My German was not the best, but my colleagues helped me, a lot.
I truly felt like I belonged there, a feeling I never had before. My colleagues were so kind, I was not afraid to ask anything and they would always help me. I was able to be myself there. Those three months flew by. I miss them, I really do. I don’t think I will ever feel so at home, like I did there. During the three months, I also went to school. I met kind people there as well and that experience, as short as it was, was also great. I enjoyed my three months and I will always remember this experience and the great, lovely city I lived in.
But it was NOT all happy. In the contrary; I really had to deal with myself there. I was exhausted when I got home from work. I felt alone, as I did not have many friends there and I often felt quite…empty? I had an amazing time during work and then when I would come home, it was so quiet. I enjoy quiet, but I did miss some human contact. That was incredibly difficult, but it also helped me grow.
During those three months, exciting things happened! I became ambassador of my school and I got the ability to participate in #Ditismbo! An amazing experience. I got in contact with Edward and he gave me the most amazing opportunity to speak on stage.
Speaking on stage…something that was once my biggest fear, became the thing I am passionate about this year. I LOVE doing it. Inspiring people with my story is a very special thing. I am grateful for this experience and all the people I’ve met through this experience.
I was also able to put alopecia in the news, to spread awareness. My main goal (of 2019/in general) was to normalise hair loss. I am so, so proud of myself for doing that this year and for growing AlopecianGirlboss. But what I am most grateful for, is YOU. You made it all possible.
2019 was the year I turned 18. The big 18. I received the most precious gift from one of my friends, a wig. I spend it with good friends of mine and my family. I could not have asked for more. Thanks to Emily and Floortje, I felt incredibly special, as they send me a birthday gift <3.
I spend time with my grandparents and we visited lots of places. My grandparents are really important to me and I see them very often!
I started the last year of my course and my graduation internship. I still need to find my place in all of this. After not being at school for months, it was and is difficult.
Then, at the end of this year, I got my feelings hurt again. Am I trying to do some kind of routine or what? Haha.
But, as I said in the beginning of this blogpost, I got to know myself better over this year. I think I already realised it for quite some time, but I only dared to acknowledge it this month, just in time for 2020. I overworked myself, I am tired and I do not have a lot of energy. I do not feel comfortable in my skin (not alopecia related!) and sometimes the alopecia struggles creep in. I am very fortunate that I have friends that understand.
I am going to work on myself in 2020, making sure I feel better than ever! It is okay to feel sad, it is okay to feel alone and it is okay to need time for yourself. But don’t forget that there are people who are there for you!
So, goodbye 2019. Thank you for all your wise lessons and thank you for making me realise I NEED to make a change. Thank you for your experience and thank you for letting me meet all those amazing people! It was a year with many ups and many downs.
I know now, that I have to alter my expectations, that I sometimes just have to let go and see what happens and that I am good as I am, no need to keep proving it so hard to others. I will work on my mental and psychical health.
Hello 2020,
Let’s see what you have in store for me. I know we have a few cool things coming up and I am glad I can share it with you, 2020! Hopefully, I will also start my adventures, finish this course and start a new one. Let’s do this! P.S. I cannot wait to eat more ice cream in this year :)
Happy new year all of you! Thank you for sticking with me. Thank you for your conversations, your support and especially, for your kindness. *Sends a virtual hug to everyone*
With love,
Anne
AlopecianGirlboss
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